AFTER A WHILE AND HEALING

1:38 PM

Hello dear readers. It's been some time since I last came here, and I apologize.
I've been absent for a while, and failing with some of you - I know. Anyhow, things haven't turned out the way I expected along the beginning of the present year of 2016. I didn't asked for too much, this time. All I ever wanted for this year were all the simple things and getting + enjoying my life on the right track, for good. But life also happens sometimes, and soon I knew this year was going to be scarred, and leave me broken at some point.

Back in January, I had to move back to Porto because my grandmother's health was declining day by day, and she truly asked for me. There was not even a single chance I would not be there with that amazing woman, who help built most of what and who I am today. Few weeks later, early February, days after starting a new treatment she gave in into her disease, and let herself go.
It tore me appart, the feeling I was not going to be able to sit with her, sharing tea, looking each other in silence. The empty house felt like empty purgatory, in loop. Then I started to remember all the things we had in mind and projects we left unfinished, the questions I hadn't asker her or the simple thing I never asked her to teach me: how pull loose strings back inside from my knitted cardigans.
I honestly spent to many hours lying with her body, asking her to wake up. And it shocked me to see how calm and beautiful she was, as if there was never ever a cancer before. I must admit I believed she would open her eyes or make a move until the last infinite second they covered her. Even today, it seems only few hours have passed from that moment, since that specific side of my face gets really cold, sometimes. I still make tea for her, and still look to see if she accidentally fell asleep on the cough watching TV series. But, maybe in time, I'll get used to that routine as another silver memory, and not the agonizing lost it still feels everyday.

But, I don't want you to carry my pain, and that's also one of the motives that kept me away. I needed to heal by my own, and not ever depend on something on someone to feel ok. Meanwhile, I never forgot any of my beloved pen pals, and could not help myself for feeling bad about leaving them hanging although it was truly difficult for me to catch the right mood for pretty much anything.
Despite all this, amazing people always find amazing ways of making their beautiful hearts fly around. These past weeks, I was magnificently surprised by awesome people. I'm here to kindly thank them, but also to happily share with you the love everyone sent to me.


Dear Rita! She sent me a cheer up flipbook mail filled with purrfect goodies and containing some excerpts from some of my favourite authors. And recently I got this big awesome postcard bringing me some kitten love. I relate myself to Rita, and feel we have much in common, although we are not pen pals for a long time. It's one of those lovely beings you feel you know for a lifetime. I'm almost finishing my reply to her, and doing my best to make it special.



Ana Kalline's presentation letter has finally arrived! I was anxious to have this beautiful Virginia Woolf mail art, safe and sound in my hands. It's kind of funny and amazing at the same time that someone we don't know seems to guess everything you like. Meeting Ana a little better was refreshing, and she brough a lot of loud smiles to my imagination while reading her words.
I am almost reaching her letter, and can't wait to write her back. Meanwhile, and not to leave her hanging,since it was her birthday, I decided sent her lots of love and joy + an handmade postcard.



This juicy orange treasure was sent from Lucas, a very nice young man from Brazil. He wrote me a nice letter and cared to send me this amazing photograph. Just like me, Lucas is very found of photography, so it's quite easy to get along with someone who cherish similar things you do.
He also sent me the most kind postcard (wich I didn't photograph, but absolutely loved) bringing me a bit of light to my heart in these delicate days.



I have also received several letters and postcards from people who are not even my personal pen pals, but somehow cared to take some of their time to think about me. Mariana Azevedo sent me 30 quotes to keep in mind while surpassing these grey times. It was an incredible surprise, because I suddenly had something new to find each day. I chose this one below, from one of my all time writers J.R.R. Tolkien wich states: “I have passed through fire and deep water, since we parted. I have forgotten muchthat I thought I knew, and learned again much that I had forgotten."






I also got the most pretty cheer up postcards from Denisa, in Czech Republic. I'm in big debt toward this amazing girl, and almost finishing my parcel for her. I hope it will make up for my delay. And I finally received Bahanur's letter wich came in perfect timing. Her letter are always long and fulfilling to read, we need a certain mood to read + write to each other, but I know our hearts are connected.



Although I haven't shoot all of my incoming, I trully want to thank you all for your patience and understanding towards this delicate times me and my family are going through. Knowing my project is filled with so many thoughtful and caring people brings much joy to my days. I am preparing every reply with a full art, and I hope it will all reach your mailboxes sooner enough, safe and sound. Thank you all for believing and for not giving up on this community.


With love, 
M. 

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